For the second time today I have talked to a young woman who
is frustrated and hurting. As we talked I could see the problem.
The problem is the "older women" in their lives were
not living out the above verse.
Each woman was not complaining about the older woman in her
life, but she was frustrated at her inability to figure out what
she was doing wrong since her home did not match their well-managed
home. Well, the problem was they are not teaching and training
these young women in what they know. Rather than coming alongside
these young women with important aid to them in their child raising
and home management, they come to these younger women's homes
and sit and talk and then get frustrated when the children interrupt.
Or when the younger women go to their homes, they feel as though
they should have never come (especially with their children),
because no one can move for fear the well-manicured home and the
well-manicured woman running it will break down if something is
mussed or broken.
I felt bad for these two women. I do not see this going on
in the verse above. In the verse above I see a whole lot of "training"
going on. As you know with training children you have to get into
the middle of it with them. Well, likewise with the older women
training the younger women. They need to get "into the middle
of it" with the younger women. And the "it" results
in loving husbands and loving children. How? By a well-managed
home run by the kind woman exemplified in Proverbs 31. This does
not just happen naturally. It happens through prayer and training
and practice. Training that watches an older woman in action,
which causes the younger woman to be encouraged to imitate, and
then to consistently practice what she sees. If that were not
so, then Titus 2 would not call the older women to train anyone.
Remember the days when an older woman would drop everything
to be beside her daughter when she gave birth? And then continue
to stay for weeks on end to see her daughter back on her feet
again? The daughter would learn so much about the raising of her
children watching a seasoned veteran in her home. Now the saying
goes for many older women, even in the church, "I raised
my children. Now it's your turn."
Remember the days when an older woman was up before dawn and
pulling pies out of the oven by 6:30 a.m. while readying her fruit
for the makings of jam? (Just read about a great grandmother like
this.) Now older women say that they're not cooking anymore. Their
kids are raised and they've cooked enough to last a life time.
How the younger woman needs to watch this woman in her kitchen.
How the grandchildren need to watch her and know her love that
puts hot dishes and warm cookies on a kitchen table.
Remember when going to grandma's house on Sunday was as big
a treat as going to church? Now older women are quite busy with
the many activities of their church leaving the younger women
to feel guilty if they want some of their time. It's not the same
world anymore, is it?
No, not every older Christian woman is like this. But it is
common in our society to see women behaving as such and affecting
Christian women more and more likewise. I had a wonderful thing
happen to me this weekend. An older, loving Christian woman, who
has raised all four of her children, came to visit us for the
weekend. She could only speak spanish as she lives in Mexico,
and it was our first time to meet each other. She did something
wonderful for me. She taught me how to make flour tortillas and
corn tortillas the old fashioned way--with only the use of her
hands. Watching her was like watching poetry in motion as she
carefully kneaded without a measuring tool in sight, then moved
the ball of tortilla dough in her hands until it was paper thin
and the size of a large pizza pan. We marveled. We oohed. We aahed.
We ate the first ones slathered with butter and oohed and aahed
some more. And then my children and I put our hands into the dough
and began to imitate her work. At first it was very difficult
with our tortillas coming out quite holey, for she had made it
look so easy. But the more we practiced, the larger and less holey
our tortillas turned out. They were even edible! When she left
the next day, my children kept talking about the tortillas and
how glad they were that she taught us. My husband kept remarking
how fortunate I was to learn this treasured skill. She was in
my home for only twenty four hours, yet I was a richer younger
woman by the time she left. I learned love to my husband and children
in the making of fresh tortillas, the kind that my husband remembered
as a child. How I thanked the LORD for sending her!
Oh, may we learn how important our jobs are as we become older
women of God. For just as Lois and Eunice worked together as a
team raising Timothy, so will we with our daughter-in-laws one
day when the grandchildren begin to arrive. Just as Ruth and Naomi
raised Obed and were part of the raising of King David, his great
grandson, so do we work together with our children in the raising
of their children. Our precious grandchildren. How I pray for
mine even though I am years and years away from seeing them, God
willing.
On the flip side we younger women must be willing to learn
from the older women. How do we learn? By asking questions, showing
an interest, and being willing to try what they teach. I pray
often that I might have the wisdom to ask the right questions.
For so often we are with an older woman and might be able to learn
something from her, but we fail to ask any questions. (And if
there is one thing I have learned, you have to ask questions to
get any wisdom.) They don't just sit there and tell you what they
know. Rather they are like a deep well with which you use a question
to draw from. I asked a lot of questions this weekend in broken
or translated spanish. Most older women are willing to teach the
younger women, but often they feel they might make a nuisance
of themselves, so they back off. The younger woman can draw her
out by asking questions and trying her suggestions.
What does one do if the older women in her life simply do not
"believe" the words in Titus 2:3-5 (for if we believe,
we act on that belief). Well, I think the LORD will provide other
older women if we ask. "You have not because you ask not."
And we know it is His will for the older women to teach the younger
women, so we ask that our joy might be full! He has provided many
older, wise women for me through books. I have told you before
that one of my favorite mentors is Mama Tweten from the book "First
We Have Coffee." Oh, I have learned so much from that dear
saint now in Heaven. When I get to Heaven I will thank her for
encouraging me so in the management of my home. Truly I could
not have done it without her. And I will thank her daughter, Margaret,
for writing that book which introduced me to Mama and all her
wise counsel.
May God raise up a generation of older women who see the light
in the passage of Titus 2. A light that moves us into action.
A light that helps lift the load off a younger woman's shoulders
while gently training her to love her husband and her children.
For when this is done, no one can malign the Word of God. What
an incredible calling! A calling that is willing to learn and
to share no matter what her age.
Much love,
Laine